As I have written in an earlier post, we have been blessed by a fantastic team of educators that work with him at school and have seen phenomenal growth in his communication, self-regulation and peer interactions. My wife and I have also tried him in a wide range of activities like baseball, soccer, gymnastics and art classes in attempt to support socialization and help him find his "thing." Shortly after my son was born, I remember thinking about how great it would be to bond with my son over some of my own interests. It may seem a bit cliche, but I envisioned a boy excited about playing sports in the backyard, watching football on the TV together and us tinkering in the garage on daddy's latest project. Nothing we had tried sparked an interest nor created an opportunity for him to be successful at something the other kids might think as "cool."
Now as an educator I know that children's interests evolve over time and that it is not that important to be seen as "cool"; however, as a father I worried about him making friends. I know that ASD will make social situations awkward for him. I worried that he would struggle to reach out and make friends. Without some common interests to draw others in, I worried it would be hard for him to develop relationships with his peers. I also worried about our ability to find something to bond over as father and son.
And then it happened; we found his "thing". What seemed like an innocuous invite from a close friend this winter to go ride ATV's on his parents' frozen pond turned into an amazing opportunity for our son do unlock a hidden passion. He quickly took to the controls, figured out how to maneuver the ATV and was quickly racing around the pond. Once the snow melted, we borrowed the ATV from our friend and made a small course for him at our house. By the end of the weekend, my wife and I were discussing the possibility of purchasing him a 4-wheeler of his own.... he hasn't looked back since. And now father and son have a common interest (even if daddy prefers two wheels to four).
So why do I tell this story? As an educator and a leader, this story reinforces for me the importance of helping everyone (students and staff) find their "thing". Sometimes finding someone's "thing" is easy, it is almost as if they were born to do their thing and they have known it since they were a fetus. For others, the process is more complicated, time-consuming and more resembles a meandering country path that appears to never end. Regardless of differences in the journey, those of us that lead others (whether it be a class of students, department or entire school) have a responsibility to help those in our organization find their "thing" and then help it to grow and find ways that it will support the overall growth of the organization.
Take the Time
Helping others to find their "thing" requires you to take the time to really get to know them. It starts with small things.
In a classroom it means taking the time to know exactly how a student's name is pronounced, how you spell his/her first and last name and who cares for this child when he/she goes home at the end of the day. It means allowing them to explore new experiences early and often in the school year either through real, hands-on experiences or vicariously through literature. And most importantly it means speaking with our students often. We all speak at our students regularly, but it is so very important to take the time each day to speak with a few of our students; to listen to what they have to say, question, express genuine interest and learn.
In a building it means many of these same things. A principal, assistant principal, department head needs to take the time to get to know his/her people. He/she has to take the time to listen to staff in the building, learn about their lives, explore their interests and seek opportunities to connect the staff's personal passions with the needs of the school.
Moment to Shine
Every student deserves to have a moment to shine, a moment where the other kids look at him/her and say, "Wow, I didn't know she could do that!" We had that happen just last week here at our school. During Field Day, one otherwise reserved and socially timid boy stepped up to the Karaoke station and impressed the rest of the students (and staff) with his vocal skills. Had one of the teachers not suggested that we have a Karaoke station and taken the time to get the music and write out the lyrics, that opportunity may never have presented itself.
We owe it to our students to push beyond what we find comfortable, what we enjoy and what we know in order to allow them to explore new areas that may help them discover their "thing". This is most important for our students who operate outside the norm, those students that don't seem to fit in with the rest of the group, whose interests diverge from the pack. And if we, as adults, operate inside the norm, we will have to push ourselves outside our comfort zone in order to meet these children where they reside so that we can get to know them and support their self-discovery.
